Up until about a week ago I had been wearing the same shoes for about a year and a half; which may not be that long for some people but it's a long time for me - I'm heavy, I walk everywhere, and I've never owned more than three pairs of shoes at any one time. Generally, my shoes crumble and wear through after around 8 months. Not that the last pair of trainers I had were much more resiliant than their predeccessors, it was just that I had no money to replace them this time. By the time they were finally retired they had a powerful funk - the sole of the left shoe was worn through at the heel and the front, the sole of the right shoe was almost completely detached from the upper, and the insole had fallen out of the gaping hole in the back - leaving me standing on the sort of rubber waffle on the inside of the sole.
I managed to find a cool pair of shoes for fifteen quid, so the crumbling relics were retired. Someone, who shall remain nameless (I'll just refer to her as mother), was so scared that I'd keep wearing those shoes out in public that she threw away all of my old shoes, even the ones that weren't in that bad a state.
Which was fine. I never really had any occasion to wear them... until today.
I've been redecorating the living room, which means getting splattered with paint and standing on top of a ladder for long periods of time. I didn't want to get my new shoes all painty but standing on a ladder barefoot really hurts if you do it for more than a few moments.
So I devised a new form of footwear - one which combines the disposability of flip-flops with the ruggedness of gaffa tape.
They were safe to wear on a ladder but not hugely comfortable and greatgreasyjesus! they hurt when you take them off.