I was browsing my normal morning's crop of blogs and webcomics today, and came across a link to this -
How to Disable the Insert Key in Word
It's always encouraging to find that other people have the same problems and annoyances as yourself, and I must admit that this solution, whilst more complicated than the one I came up with, certainly has slightly more elegance.
Here's my alternative method for disabling the insert keys, it involves prying out the offending keys with a flathead screwdriver:
Like I said, not very elegant. Mind you, seeing as nothing about my life is elegant I think my method suits me just fine. As you see I also removed the # key because I kept hitting it when I meant to press shift (the first modification I made), the left windows key and the right click key are gone because if you hit them by accident when running a full screen application it pulls you out into the desktop, and I not only removed but subsequently destroyed the caps-lock because THERE@S NOTHING WORSE THAN ACCIDENTALLY WRITING A SENTENCE IN FULL CAPS.
...and if you are wondering how I managed to do the # symbol without actually having the key anymore - I just poke the switch inside with a screwdriver (it's the first time I've had any reason to ever press that key on purpose)
... and yes, this would all be uneccessary if I had A: the ability to touch type properly and B: smaller, less sausage-like fingers