Friday, July 15, 2005


I'm bored, very bored. In the absence of anything else to do I've taken to walking here, there and everywhere in an attempt to not end the summer looking like Jabba the Hut. I'm not sure how successful it's been on the exercise side of things - it probably consumes about the same amount of fat as I eat in about ten minutes of snacking - but it's got me out into the sunshine and gives me lots of time to think - not that I need it. With all this time I have on my hands I started to approach the boredom in a scientific manner - trying to understand it - I've given up trying to avoid it now, too much effort.

The science of Boredom was first revealed to me by the pioneering boredom scholar, and world-leading procrastinator, Douglas Adams. In one of the Hitch Hikers' Guide Books (I can't remember which one exactly, but I think it's the third one) He describes a specific kind of boredom; that of the long dark teatime of the soul - the state of mind reached in the time between lunch and anything decent coming on the TV, when the day stretches out before you in all its mind numbing inevitability.

Being in a good position to do a serious practical study, I've decided that I'll put them up on here as I discover them, and anyone else who reads this - I'm pretty sure it's only one person - can put up any they discover in their travels through life. I'll probably get bored with this idea too, but that can wait.

Currently I'm suffering from what, for the sake of reference, I shall call Boredom Number 1 - This is the vague tedium that comes from waiting for someone else to come online. It is a dangerous variant as it is part of the subgroup of Computer-assisted boredom, which is boredom exacerbated (had to ask word how to spell that one) by the presence of the internet. This particular brand of monotony can cause such actions as [A] writing bollocks in weblogs [B] Scrawling through webcomics that really aren't funny at all and [C] Gradually losing faith in the literacy and intelligence of humanity; or at least English speaking humanity - which is the only sort I can really comment on as my French grammar and syntax is even worse than my English. It can be fought by [A] Listening to music [B] watching TV or [C] Getting up and talking to someone and coming back later. Treatments do not always work however - sometimes the boredom fairy just decides that it is your time and you will be bored - in these cases keep some recreational drugs handy.

There are many other kinds that I shall document, some as warning as they can be dangerous, boredom in the presence of power tools for example is one with particularly grisly consequences. But the odds are that I'll probably reach some new height of boredom and never bother to write any more. Which is probably just as well as it could cause the spread of Boredom Number 2 - This form is caused by reading my weblog and can cause [A] a feeling of desperation at the level you've sunk to [B] A sense of shock that someone this illiterate is an English student and [C] An urge touch Donkeys, Mules and other pack animals in a highly suggestive manner. It can be countered by just not reading these tired ramblings and doing something pleasant.


No! not the donkeys!