Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Independence Day

Is a good excuse for getting hammered

Last night me and some friends decided to visit the pub for this reason. That, and the fact that it was monday. We even drank a token bottle of American beer, uuugh. I'm not doing that again; it's worse than fosters, although not quite as bad as Carling. But really, short of degenerative diseases and Fascists, what is?

I think I'm going to press for more spurious holidays in the British calendar. England has the lowest number of national holidays in Europe (Just England. Not Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland - they all have a bank holiday on their patron saints day and various historical thingies) and that is obviously a terrible thing. Also the few that we have are mostly in either the winter, which is a bit shite, or during the summer holidays, which is no use to children - who are the ones who actually enjoy it, and students - who probably enjoy it but don't remember afterwards. Around this time of year would be a good time for a holiday.

We celebrated independence day last night but only because when you are a student everyday is a holiday, and every holiday is just another day, which takes the fun out of things a bit but that's not what I'm talking about here. To Americans July 4th is a celebration of independence and Nasty beer. We decided that it would be a bit stupid celebrating independence when we are all stuck living with our parents and as for nasty beer, well, it just wouldn't be British (or Belgian - which is usually better).

Instead I propose a truly British holiday. Dependence Day. We celebrate our dependence on pretty much everyone and everything, at both a national and a personal level. Our inability to make fire without krazy khemicals or hunt without guns. Our reliance on America for military power, pretty people and music that isn't annoyingly dreary or stupidly stylized. Our dependence on our parents for cash, support and genetic material. Our dependence on other people to make us feel less ugly [/emo]. Our dependence on fossilised vegetable matter for transport, heating, political power, etc.

I could go on but I think my abuse of grammar is bad enough as it is, so taking it further would only earn me letterbombs from the militant wing of the apostrophe protection society. What I'm trying to say is that Britain should have a festival where we celebrate our relative unimportance, because we don't have to make important decisions, earn money or have everybody hate us. We are free to get drunk on beer that is made in another country, sold by Australians and paid for with money we borrowed from our parents.

For as long as their patience lasts, which is where the plan falls down really.